Local legend Ole Senior, not to be confused with Ole Junior, Little Ole, Big Ole, Middle Ole, or Just Ole, has been called to Washington, D.C. He has been accused of collusion with Russia over monopolizing the supply of lutefisk to Minnesota and the surrounding states. It led to the well-known Great Lutefisk Shortage of a Wednesday in December.
Ole, well-known for Ole’s Lutefisk Farm, Ole’s Lutefisk Restaurant, Ole’s Lutefisk Polka Band, Ole’s Lutefisk Spa, and Ole’s Lutefisk Summer Camp is a bit perplexed.
Asked about the allegations of collusion with the Russians, Ole said, “Oh, I don’t know vat da are talkin’ about ya know. I ran into a delivery truck a couple of weeks ago but dats da only collusion I’ve had and it wasn’t a Russian drivin’, it was dat darn Bjorn Bjornson from da Swedish Meatball Museum.
When reporters explained to Ole that it was collusion, not collision, Ole asked “Vel, what da heck does dat mean?” When Yanni Olafson, reporter for the Midnight Sun (which is only published from the middle of April until the end of July) told Ole “Collusion is a secret cooperation or deceitful agreement in order to deceive others,” he went quiet and started scratching his head.
“Uff-da,” Ole shook his head, “I only colluded once and dat was ven Lena moved out and went to live with her sister Ingrid. But it wasn’t with no Russian, it was with Helga – da dental hygienist and short order cook at Johanson’s Drill and Grill. Did Sven tell you about dat? He’s got a big mouth that one.”
When asked about his defense Ole simply said “Vell I only got da one in da front yard but I guess it could use a coat of paint.”
His attorney, Andy Anderson, said he is looking forward to seeing his client appear before Congress. “They have no idea what they are in for, don’t cha know.”
Oh and by da vay — Happy April Fool’s Day
(Story and graphics by Mary Hirsch)